What is on the menu for tomorrow: is it the same as yesterday or better?

I often imagine myself in a meadow of lilacs, all by myself: stress-free. I wonder if that feeling would ever get out of my imagination and make it into real life. Will my trauma follow me, or will I leave it behind?

Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be someone who wasn’t inflicted with trauma at a young age. I wasn’t born with it, and I have never been able to completely understand it. I don’t think anyone does. Instead, we adapt to it, accept it, and learn to move past it. It doesn’t happen overnight. Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, you can’t expect yourself to transform for the good in a snap.

I was inflicted with trauma at a young age by the people in my life. It follows me everywhere I go, but I have learnt to deal with it. The amount of baggage I was carrying with me wherever I went was exhausting, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I started therapy when I was only 18, a freshman in college who was dealing with severe issues. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder. Hence I started medication as well.

I have resorted to escapism more than once. Every time my life took a turn for the bad, I ran away from it as far as possible. When it comes to fight or flight, I have often found solace in flight. Even today, I look for ways to run away from people and problems because it just seems easier. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t ever fought for myself.

Starting therapy and medication was a step towards the betterment of self. Not to say I never relapsed, I sure did, but the ultimate goal was to work on myself for a better present and future. I can’t keep holding onto the past because I can’t change what happened yesterday or the day before. It wasn’t easy to accept that I can’t alter my past, but I did, eventually.

To all those who have been inflicted with the trauma they never asked for in the first place, I am sorry that you have to deal with so much, but you are not alone. Your pain is not just your own; your friends, family and loved ones will always be by your side. Despite all the pessimistic thoughts that are produced inside your mind, your people will understand.

Above all, you can always choose to seek professional help if you don’t feel like discussing your problems with your acquaintances. You will get better, and your future will be better than your past. So you decide what is on the menu for tomorrow: it will definitely be better than yesterday.